Innuendo Thursday: Blasphemy Division

[saffronhare]

So, fionnabhar has recently been posting some scripture that has a marvelously blasphemous twist to it, particularly if one adds the words (in bed) to the reading. We here at Innuendo Thursday HQ are inspired.

For today's Innuendo Thursday, I'm hoping folks will contribute a bit of prayer that's even more satisfying when one imagines those blessings in bed --scripture, a line from a hymn, whatever. Here's an example:

Psalm 100: 1: Make a joyful noise unto God (in bed.)

So...whaddya got?

Comments

[bleuberi21.livejournal.com]

From the Messiah: Let us break their bonds asunder...in bed. :D

[bleuberi21.livejournal.com]

Also from the Messiah: And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed...in bed.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Amen.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

1 Samuel 20:4 Then said Jonathan unto David, Whatsoever thy soul desireth, I will even do it for thee... in bed.

1 Corinthians 4:21 What will ye? shall I come unto you with a rod, or in love, and in the spirit of meekness? ... in bed?

Psalm 28:6 Blessed be the LORD, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications. ...in bed.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

OMG. Corinthians is killing me ded.

[ruisseau.livejournal.com]

This is a hymn that was sung nearly every week at the Baptist churches I grew up in. It was the "come up and get saved" hymn.

It begins, "I surrender all" (in bed).

Then there's the well-known "Joy to the World." "Joy to the world,the lord is come" (in bed). And the second line is just as bad, "Let Earth receive her king" (in bed).

Possibly I am now going to hell. ;) Except I don't believe in hell. Huh.

Edit: Can't type.

[apocalypticbob.livejournal.com]

See our invitational hymn was frequently "Just As I Am" wose chorus ends with the unfortunate lines:

"Oh, Lamb of God, I come. I come."

Yeah, that has always made me snicker.

[ruisseau.livejournal.com]

Oh, god! that one too!

[tafl-hols.livejournal.com]

I loves me some good blasphemy!

To strike right at the heart of things, I'll use the shortest verse:

Jesus wept...in bed.

Heathen blasphemy (as if there can be such a thing)

[lilia-blackbear.livejournal.com]

From Havamal:

76
the good name never dies
Of one who has done well (in bed)

91
Naked I may speak now for I know both (in bed)

92
praise the features of the fair girl,
Who courts well will conquer (in bed)

95
The worst sickness for a wise man
Is to crave what he cannot enjoy (in bed)

120
waste no words on a witless oaf,
Nor sit with a senseless ape (in bed)

124
Affection is mutual when men can open
All their heart to each other (in bed)

135
Scoff not at guests nor to the gate chase them,
But relieve the lonely and wretched (in bed)

Okay, that was entirely too much fun. I left out the ones I knew probably did indeed end with "in the hay" or some other when written.

Re: Heathen blasphemy (as if there can be such a thing)

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Interfaith blasphemy FTW!

[bleuberi21.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

Psalms 23: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me...in bed.

[buffalowmn.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of the same Psalm! lol

Psalms 23:4: ...Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me...(in bed).

*snerk*

[bleuberi21.livejournal.com]

LOL, I hadn't thought that far. *lmao*

My cup runneth over...in bed.

[buffalowmn.livejournal.com]

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures! Haaaaahahahaha...if you put on your Pervy Glasses first, that one doesn't even need the "in bed" part!

[bleuberi21.livejournal.com]

He leadeth me in the path of righteousness for his name's sake.

*dies* Oh, I'm having a hard time not laughing out loud while I'm at work.

[buffalowmn.livejournal.com]

He restoreth my soul...ohhhhhhh yeah he does!

*weeps*

[bleuberi21.livejournal.com]

I think we can collectively say that all of Psalm 23 can be construed entirely as innuendo. *grin* This is too funny.

[buffalowmn.livejournal.com]

Y'know, if they'd just told me that up front when I was going to church as a teenager, I might not have stopped going! roflmao

[bleuberi21.livejournal.com]

Seriously!!

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Yeaaahhh... that was where I went, too. :D

Meta-innuendo

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

From John's first epistle, chapter 1, verse 4:

And these things we write, that our joy may be made full (in bed.)

To the church in Thyratira

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Revelation 2: 19: I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first (in bed.)

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Paul's Letter to the Ephesians, 1:9: And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure (in bed.)

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

::applause::

Druids do it in threes

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Three glories of a gathering (in bed): a comely mate, a good horse, and a swift hound.

Three keys that unlock thoughts (in bed): drunkenness; trustfulness; love.

Three things excellent for anyone (in bed): valor, learning, and discretion.

Re: Druids do it in threes

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Love and valor, plus a good horse. Always a good combo. (in bed)

Re: Druids do it in threes

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

NB: There is no bringing to bed of horses or hounds in this household. Comely mates are okay, though.

Re: Druids do it in threes

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Lemme say it for you: "eh, priests." :)