I already have a warning label.

[saffronhare]

It's part of my LJ Bio, graciously provided by featherynscale years ago. I love it very much, though I'm sure folks seldom read it and even seldom-er believe it:

Saffron Hare is the last of an exotic race of highly educated warrior-women, known throughout the galaxy for their fearsome arm-wrestling and interior decorating skills. Of all the people I know, she is the most likely to come with a warning label, and it should say "Be alarmed - contents magnificent. Do not mix with the scatterbrained. Keep away from second drinks." She removes doors from their frames with the power of her will, and is perfectly willing to take damage for the sake of increasing competence. Saffron Hare is always playing to win, but doesn't always tell you what her conditions of victory are. She is a true child of the gods and only hangs out with the baddest of asses.

Remember: I am not nice.

Comments

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

LOVE this!

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

It's stunningly accurate in the good and the bad, and I refer people to it all the time. But then they think it's just Plain Humor instead of Humorous Truth and get all wrapped around the axle when I behave in a manner consistent with the description. (sigh)

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

I need to write one of those too, well, actually I sort of did in my LJ profile:

I'm committed to living right out loud and with intention. I'm normally loving and happy and positive but I also have a temper and I can bite with very little warning. I am a Leo afterall, with Aquarius Moon and Scorpio Rising. I'm candid and open and try very hard to say exactly what I mean; you want an opinion, be prepared for it to be an honest one. I have no patience for liars or control freaks; for those who are closed-minded, narcissistic or arrogant; those who wallow or those who deceive, manipulate or play head games. DO NOT tell me what you think I want to here; I want the complete,unvarnished truth every time. Other than that, I'm Mary-fucking-Poppins most of the time...a menopausal Mary Poppins which should scare some folk.

Probably a little wordy but then, that's me too.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

The "Mary Poppins" thing is making me giggle. :)

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

*hehehe* I have moments....

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Remember: I am not nice.

Srsly. Why is this so difficult for people to grasp/remember? If I had something similar to mine, though, I might temper it with: "The fact that I don't like you doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that I don't like you."

People wouldn't understand that, either, though. *sigh*

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

I paid someone a compliment a few weeks ago, and they said something about how they weren't sure it was true, because "maybe I was just saying it to be nice."

The co-worker standing next to me at the time just about fell over from surprise, politely trying not to explode with laughter.

"Really," I said, "if you were to line up all the people in this building according to their likelihood of saying something just to be nice, where do you think I'd be?"

SRSLY. This not to say that I'm mean, but I'm sure not NICE in that way.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Yup. If I tell someone something positive, they can be sure I am not telling 'em that out of some screwed-up sense of politeness. For strangers I go by the policy of "If you can't be nice, have the decency to be vague." For people I know fairly well, though, the gloves are off.

Also, you are keen.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Manners are needed as well. But you hear me. :)

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

Perhaps a trend of not-sucking in your presence has flavored my experience, but you're always nice and decent to me.

Warning - do not feed anything spicier than olive oil. ::grin::
Warning - do not forget your table manners at Saffronhare's Table, it may hurt.
Warning - Take naproxen two hours before visiting on Ovulation Day.
Danger - will run down and club children like baby seals in simulated combat environments.
Warning - do not expose to bright light.
Danger - do not expose Saffronhare to clutter which you have some attachment to.
Warning - Saffronhare can reorganize the alphabet, and make it better.
Warning - Easily distracted by shoulders.
Danger - do not pet Saffronhare's 'off switch' while she's driving.
Extreme Caution - do not EVER try to remove Saffronhare from Terra Firma.
Warning - if you DO try to remove Saffronhare from Terra Firma, or if you bring Shoulders on Ovulation Day, keep multiple ice packs in the freezer.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

::splorfle::

ETA: I think this one might be my favorite -- Warning - Saffronhare can reorganize the alphabet, and make it better.

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

Warning - SaffronHare can make quantum particles follow orders. And wait for their turn on the trampoline.

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

Warning - When SaffronHare heard about the chaos in the cosmos, we lost two planets. KEEP her AWAY from your MANCAVE!

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Hey, now. I'm no Chuck Norris.

[zerself.livejournal.com]

Well...people who don't believe the warning label generally get what they deserve, don't they? ;)

On the final caveat, I would say the Into the Woods lyric applies to you: "Nice is different than Good".

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Ha! That's one of my favorite lines. I think it goes something like this:

The witch isn't always nice. The witch isn't always good. But the witch is always right.

[zylch.livejournal.com]

(said by Little Red, about the Wolf, in "I Know Things Now")

And though scary is exciting
Nice is different than good.

(said by the Witch, about everyone else -- well, everyone still standing -- in "The Last Midnight")

You're so nice.
You're not good,
You're not bad,
You're just nice.
I'm not good,
I'm not nice,
I'm just right.
I'm the Witch.

(I have recently come to <3 that musical, having finally seen it.)

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

YES! Thank you. :)