Contest!

[saffronhare]

I'm tired of not having any sort of biographical statement. Time to ask for help. So, I'm declaring a contest: Compose a bio for me. Here are the rules. Well, they're more like guidelines, really.

1. Statements do not need to be true.
2. Statements do not need to be in any "standard" format.
3. Statements should be submitted by midnight on Monday, February 23rd.

With your submission, which can be posted as a comment here or emailed to me, please let me know if you'd like to be credited for your creation. I reserve the right to rotate among well-received statements whenever I like, in order to accommodate my moods and appreciation for degrees of cleverness.

Prize to be determined by barter with the winner. I'm good for it.

::Edit:: chronarcy has set the bar pretty high, folks.

Comments

I think you'll like this. Sorry it's a bit long.

[chronarchy.livejournal.com]

Well, if they don't need to be true, then I might have an edge here:

saffronhare's life is the stuff of legend. When she was born, her mother was surprised to find that a wolf, a hare, and a deer entered the house, bowing low to the new child. Each had brought a present for the child and for the mother.

The wolf spoke first: "I have scoured the forests high and low, and come across something wonderous for this child and the woman who bore her. For the child, I bring cunning and wisdom, and for the mother I bring a large, beautiful steak."

The deer spoke next: "I have scoured the plains far and wide, and come across something wonderous fro this child and the woman who bore her. For the child, I bring creativity and freedom, and for the mother I bring these dandelion greens."

The hare spoke last: "I have scoured my burrow deep and shallow, and come across something wonderous for this child and the woman who nore her. For the child, I bring beauty and wonder, and for the mother I was going to bring the herb saffron, for a mother's cooking is the bond that should form between her and a child, but I accidentally ate it. So instead I bring chocolate for the mother."

After no consideration at all, the mother knew what to do. She accepted each gift graciously, but declared the hare to have brought the greatest gift, and so would name the child after her. Thus was saffronhare named.

When saffronhare was a child, she played in the forests beneath the boundless skys of her home. All who met her considered her the most beautiful, cunning, creative, wise, free, and wonderous child they had ever met. She was never picked last for games, nor was she ever made fun of by children or adults. She was kind, temperant, and always received straight A's in her studies.

One day, while playing kickball, she kicked a homerun, which landed in the yard of a haunted house. She was dared to go to the house and demand the ball back, and she laughed, for this was what she already planned to do. Because she was no normal child, though, saffronhare said she would go at night, during the dark of the moon.

That night, she boldly opened the gate to the haunted house and strode into the darkness. As she turned the corner of the house, she heard shouts of laughter and joy from the back yard. Coming to the next corner, she peered around, and was astonished to see a large group of ghostly children playing kickball with their ball!

She knew her dare required her to get the ball back, so she boldy walked up to the children and interrupted their game, asking to play.

"If you play you can't leave unless we let you," said one ghostly boy.

"That's alright. I'm a good player, and I love kickball, so I'll play until the end of time, if I have to."

She was put on a team, and played for a while. The ghostly children were amazed at how good she was, catching the ball and flinging it at them for outs. Quickly, she was up to kick.

The ball came bouncing toward her, and the first time, she missed the ball completely. It bounced harmlessly to the catcher. "Strike one!" he yelled.

The pitcher rolled the ball toward her again, and this time it bounced to the left just before she connected, and the catcher once again called "Strike two!"

Knowing her plan, she timed this kick perfectly. As the ball rolled toward her, she connected and sent it flying out of the yard, back to where she had been playing the day before. She ran the bases and got back to home, but was confronted with several ghostly faces.

"You lost the ball! You go get it!" one shouted.

"Okay. Have a good time!" she waved back, and it was only then that the ghosts realized their mistake. Gone from them forever was saffronhare.

Oh, there are more exploits, but these are just a taste. Friend her and learn more!

Re: I think you'll like this. Sorry it's a bit long.

[chronarchy.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes: accreditation? Yeah, I guess it'd be nice if you told people I wrote it :) If you like it/use it.

[zylch.livejournal.com]

I considered being vastly amusing and creative, but then I realized that I have no time to beat chronarchy before midnight tomorrow. Look for something later this week or next as my superfluous contribution.

Re:

[chronarchy.livejournal.com]

*maniacal, crazy laugh*

I spent about 20 minutes on that story, actually, I think during lunch :) The rest of it was just fine-tuning it.

Haha! No one can beat me!

*returns to earth*

Oh, um, yeah. I hope I didn't scare people off with such inspiration. I just started typing, and it kinda happened. It was really weird to read it over again and think, "Geez, I wrote that?"

Re:

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

I like your style, darling. It's a keeper, whether it gets posted right away or not. You nailed a lot of very synchronous details. Darn you and your wicked powers!

Re:

[chronarchy.livejournal.com]

Ooh! I got some details *right*! And I was just making it all. . . Oh, er, um. . . I *meant* to do that!

Re:

[zylch.livejournal.com]

I figure mine will be something terribly prosaic but in a weird language, probably one I don't even speak.

le singe est sur la branche...