More adventures in thought experiments!
Dec. 30th, 2003 10:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
saffronhareI've been doing some more reading in Prometheus Rising and want to see if I can sort some of this out by putting words to it. This is a public post, so I'm not discouraging commentary; I just don't expect it.
On altered mental states
RAW offers a lot of advice that hinges on getting stoned or high. I'd wondered about this and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
featherynscale pointed out that it has quite a bit to do with release of control/getting past programming, etc. Drinking also works. But I think I'd rather get to a place where I can remove filters for a while without chemical assistance -- seems like, for a control freak like me, relying upon chemical crutches to excuse myself for letting go could get really unhealthy really fast. I've noticed that simply being around people who help me feel safe makes a tremendous difference. Oddly enough, these same people are folks that lots of other folks consider terrifying. I guess part of feeling safe is being confident that I can't really hurt any of them.
On aggression and territorialism
The first exercise in this secion reads like so: "Whenever you meet a young male or female, ask yourself unconcsiously, 'If it came to hand-to-hand combat, could I beat him/her'? Then try to determine how much of your behavior is based on unconsciously asking and answering that question via pre-verbal 'body language.'" Upon reading this exercise, I realized I've been living that thought experiment -- consciously -- for at least 25 years. This is a circuit I know and love well. I understand that I need to develop "alternate response strategies"...but the thought of losing something that has served me so well is terrifying. How do I win if I don't think about power? (Yes, the irony in that is stifling.)
It's also very humbling to think that perhaps the stuff that fills me with pride is not really the manifestation of my own superiority -- just a particular type of programming that has equipped me to function very well in the world we live in.
On change and control
I get the feeling this evolution is what "higher self" (or however you want to put it) was guiding me toward when I realized I need to resign from West Point. I was developing into an excellent manager of violence. Imagine how much more mired I'd be if I'd stayed.
I also suspect that earlier decisions that I'll learn to "go with the flow" are really still grasping at the thought that I still have some control -- like I have a sail and can skillfully manage to ride the wind to wherever it is I am intending to go. It's false...and not really the lesson. I have to be willing to cast myself upon the waves and see where the ocean wants to take me instead -- a lesson in submission to the will of the universe, not an expectation that the universe needs me as a partner or cares what I want. Yet?
This is awful. I am literally shaking and feeling close to tears as I type this. If measurement of discomfort is an indicator of being on the right track...I'm there, man.
On altered mental states
RAW offers a lot of advice that hinges on getting stoned or high. I'd wondered about this and
featherynscale pointed out that it has quite a bit to do with release of control/getting past programming, etc. Drinking also works. But I think I'd rather get to a place where I can remove filters for a while without chemical assistance -- seems like, for a control freak like me, relying upon chemical crutches to excuse myself for letting go could get really unhealthy really fast. I've noticed that simply being around people who help me feel safe makes a tremendous difference. Oddly enough, these same people are folks that lots of other folks consider terrifying. I guess part of feeling safe is being confident that I can't really hurt any of them.On aggression and territorialism
The first exercise in this secion reads like so: "Whenever you meet a young male or female, ask yourself unconcsiously, 'If it came to hand-to-hand combat, could I beat him/her'? Then try to determine how much of your behavior is based on unconsciously asking and answering that question via pre-verbal 'body language.'" Upon reading this exercise, I realized I've been living that thought experiment -- consciously -- for at least 25 years. This is a circuit I know and love well. I understand that I need to develop "alternate response strategies"...but the thought of losing something that has served me so well is terrifying. How do I win if I don't think about power? (Yes, the irony in that is stifling.)
It's also very humbling to think that perhaps the stuff that fills me with pride is not really the manifestation of my own superiority -- just a particular type of programming that has equipped me to function very well in the world we live in.
On change and control
I get the feeling this evolution is what "higher self" (or however you want to put it) was guiding me toward when I realized I need to resign from West Point. I was developing into an excellent manager of violence. Imagine how much more mired I'd be if I'd stayed.
I also suspect that earlier decisions that I'll learn to "go with the flow" are really still grasping at the thought that I still have some control -- like I have a sail and can skillfully manage to ride the wind to wherever it is I am intending to go. It's false...and not really the lesson. I have to be willing to cast myself upon the waves and see where the ocean wants to take me instead -- a lesson in submission to the will of the universe, not an expectation that the universe needs me as a partner or cares what I want. Yet?
This is awful. I am literally shaking and feeling close to tears as I type this. If measurement of discomfort is an indicator of being on the right track...I'm there, man.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Next book?
Date: 2003-12-30 09:22 am (UTC)Anyway, I don't look at the PoM as telling me what to do. It feels more like affirmation that when I don't think I have enough strength within myself to do something, I have a well to draw upon. And that if I can force myself to do this for myself, imagine what I'll be able to accomplish for the forces of good in the future. Maybe it's the same thing you're saying in different language, but it feels a bit different to me. [Semantics -- yay. That's stuff I could write a book about.]
Re: Next book?
I may need to get a towel.
Re: Next book?
Date: 2003-12-30 10:02 am (UTC)You're all cocksuckers and/or assholes. And I mean that in a submissive and loving and merciful way. Really.
Re: Next book?
Date: 2003-12-30 11:31 am (UTC)Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns: The Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
Re: Next book?
Date: 2003-12-30 11:35 am (UTC)Re: Next book?
Date: 2003-12-30 11:55 am (UTC)Woah.
Date: 2003-12-30 11:58 am (UTC)And
*yick*
.
Date: 2003-12-30 11:37 am (UTC).
.
yup.
.
.
.
broken.