saffronhare

Thanks so much for your unsolicited advice about how to socialize my dog. I particularly appreciate your offers to call the police so they can help me convince her not to bark at you when you're yelling at her that we're awful people.

Shame on us for seeking out a neighborhood that had a lot of dogs and children and a high school nearby. We should have known better than to expect that meant the area was pretty relaxed about things such as children squealing with joy as they jump on their trampoline (like those in your backyard), marching bands practicing at 7 a.m., and yes -- the occassional barking dog.

The dog has been excellent lately about coming in when called. She was perfectly fine outside when I went to take my shower. However, when I stepped out of the shower, I heard a real strange pattern of barking. It was so odd that I just threw a towel around myself to go investigate. The first thing I hear is you screaming about what awful neighbors we are. (You're at least 75 yards away and inside your house as far as I can tell, so I know you're screaming if I can hear you that clearly.) The dog is silent while you speak. When you draw breath, she barks. At you. This is only amusing for the moment in which I realize this explains the pattern of barking I heard. You start screaming again, and the dog starts barking to listen.

The next outburst contains more venom about how unsocialized the dog is, how it should be muzzled and how I need to bring it inside because you can't even get a nap. I decide not to answer you. I never have, in the half-dozen times you've verbally assaulted us about the dog in the last year. It's springtime. There are cats and squirrels and birds everywhere. Dogs are barking all time, all over the place. Any one of those things could have set her off -- she's a young dog -- but it's real clear to me what kept her going.

I bring the dog in and make sure I get dressed quickly so I'll be presentable in case the Animal Control Officer has to come visit us. I can't wait to tell him how you "provoke" our animal, which is something that would excuse her barking. (We kept and read the pamphlet that Animal Control brought us the last time you made them come visit us.)

I don't mind paying the fine if it comes to that, but you can bet I'll stop ingnoring you from then on, even though I won't stoop to screaming at you from my backyard. There's a number I can call to report "disruptive persons," you know. I've refrained from reporting you so far because (in my worldview) that's not the action of somebody who cares to salvage any sort of decent relationship. I will not approach you directly, but I may consider asking for some mediation. Your behavior is unacceptable to us.

And if you decide to leave another sneaking little "anonymous" note on my front door, covered in helpful tips about training the dog not to bark and declarations that we need to "fix" her -- claiming that you represent all our neighbors, which isn't true (I know because I speak to them) -- I swear I'll send you earplugs every week for a year. I know I'll be wearing them.