(no subject)

[saffronhare]

This was the final weekend for our commissioning out at Camp Naish. With the last session of campers wrapping up on Saturday, there were fewer interactions with scouts and their families, and therefore fewer new items on the list overall...but camp break-down activities offered some great moments in which I remembered I shouldn't do something only *after* I'd already done it. So that was fun. Still working on the download from my notes. New items start around #38.

Things Nikki is Not Allowed to Do at Scout Camp

1. Make a comment about DAT ASS in my “outside voice” when following Matthew MacDonald up the stairs.


2. Direct people to keep their “eyes up here,” when they were only pointing out that I’d spilled something on my uniform.


3. Sit on husband’s lap, even if there’s a strong case for it “strengthening America.”


4. Wonder out loud whether the amazing orange of the staff shirt will make my boobs glow in the dark.


5. Refer to the Commissioner’s cabin as “officer country.”


6. Make That Sound when judging the dessert contest, even if the dessert is really effing delicious.


7. Dare the other commissioners to moon Scouts while out on the night hike, whether the sky has a full moon or not.


8. Comment about anybody “going Full Penguin.”


9. Suggest that somebody should add a brown bead to their coups for handing out a load of bullshit.


10. Use the words cock, butt, or nipple, when pointing out the parts of a rifle. Even if those words are ACTUALLY CORRECT.


11. Refer to a trip to the maintenance barn as a “conjugal visit.”


12. Misdirect Scouts on a scavenger hunt, despite the potential for character-building.


13. Point out my child at the swimming pool by describing her as “the one with boobs.”


14. Refer to pool staff hosing down the deck to keep it cool underfoot as “cabana boys.”


15. Refer to the CITs as Huey, Dewey, and Louie.


16. Bring any of the little boy underpants left behind at the pool into the dining hall, and ask very loudly who might be “going commando.”


17. Begin dining hall KP instruction by asking everyone to prove they can actually count to eight.


18. Charge for parking. Or for maps.


19. Refer to the CITs as Larry, Moe, and Curly.


20. Refer to my afternoon slushie as a “covert margarita.”


21. Ask anybody if they “just joined Scouts yesterday,” whether I keep the “ferfuxake” silent or not.


22. Announce over the radio that “there’s a man DOWN at the rifle range.”


23. Blow on my whistle three times. EVER.


24. Discuss the relative humidity and my pants in the same sentence.


25. Refer to the CITs as Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.


26. Recommend that anybody "lube up" to fit their car into a particularly tight parking spot.


27. Eat a corn dog like that.


28. Filk lyrics for Ain't Too Proud to Work at Bear Camp.


29. Praise to any food or beverage as "good for pooping."


30. Suggest alternative meanings for PFD.


31. Describe water temperature in terms that include nipples or testicles. Same for shower pressure.


32. Make jokes about poop in the pool. The staff will never laugh. Ever. Because "fecal accidents" are not (supposed to be) funny, MOM.


33. Apply sunscreen to my décolletage in public.


34. Call anybody a "delicate flower," even if it's supposed to be a compliment.


35. Scold Webelos who dump out their water bottles by referring to the wasted liquid as "the tears of Akela.


36. List "romantic interlude" (or any euphemisms thereof) as Reason for Leaving on the staff sign-out sheet.


37. Answer "I would rather chew my arm off" in response to pretty much any question ever.


38. Comment to any of the swim staff that it's difficult to recognize them when they have clothes on.


39. Provide any answer at all to the question, "Where's the sausage?"


40. Likewise, ask anybody for "the biggest hot dog you've got in there," even if I say PLEASE.


41. Nickname anybody "the Impaler."


42. [Make out] in the Kubota.


43. Describe hubby as "the sexy commissioner."


44. Sit on husband's lap. Not even in the Commissioner's Cabin.


45. Express disappointment at not having been awarded cedar, promising to try harder next year.


46. Ask the Nature Lodge staff if they've got any extra mammals they can spare for the Rain Dance later on.


47. Offer to lead a Very Special Scout Sunday service in honor of Lughnasadh (with or without support from the Nature Lodge staff), regardless of the fact that, of all the pantheons anywhere, that dude was totally an Eagle Scout.


48. Go into too much detail about how sturdy a particular canvas cot might be for a variety of activities.


49. Tell anybody how I learned to tie that particular knot right there.


50. Start a rousing game of "How Wet is That Canvas?" (it's so wet...).

Comments

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

These are so awesome. I'm sad it's over for the year.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Ha -- glad you enjoyed them! We had a good time. I'll probably keep working on it, because we do occasionally go camping with different scouting units. There's been a request to print/laminate a set of these for "bathroom reading" out at the camp latrines for the over-18 set. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not...

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

DEFINITELY a compliment.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

47 fills me with despair. You are absolutely correct that He is/was/would be an Eagle Scout.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Joking aside: there is some hope, through such a thing as the Living Your Religion award, which is sponsored by the Unitarian Universalist Scouters Organization (www.uuso.org). With the more tolerant regulations regarding youth taking effect on January 1st, there are a number of chartering organizations who are refusing to support scouting anymore (there's even a splinter scouting group now!). It's possibly a great opportunity for a UUA fellowship to get involved. Or pants. We'll see. :)

[zylch.livejournal.com]

Re: 49. I once needed to learn how to tie a particularly fussy decorative knot, and found a troop's site that had instructions and links to a couple of how-to videos. So I clicked through to one of the demos... which was made by the Two Knotty Boys. ::headdesk::

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

You should've been at the meeting when diermuid taught all the little scouts to make rope handcuffs.

[chronarchy.livejournal.com]

Oh, memories of camp come flooding back. :)