What a year.

[saffronhare]

Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of my layoff. It still sucks and I'm still encountering new and horrifying ways that being unemployed and generally underfinanced impacts my life and the lives of my family. I had hoped that we hit bottom several months ago, and I'm afraid of what else might go wrong.

Lots of inner conflict over income issues, here. I enjoy working and contributing to the fortunes of the household. I sure like the sense of personal freedom that comes from knowing I have a certain amount of sovereignty when it comes to spending. I don't think I've ever been a "big spender," precisely, but this sense of not having anything or any way to maneuver is really upsetting.

At the same time, I feel like the household needs an Executive Officer -- somebody to make sure things get done, the calendars get managed, and everybody gets where they need to go with what they need to be successful. And I still hope to feed the prospect of maybe being a bit entrepreneurial. But will one full-time income and some occasional extra revenue be enough to keep us moving forward? Lots of fear and uncertainty...not the best for decision-making.

I just wish one or the other of those paths would become clearly the right and somewhat profitable way to go. I feel like I'm putting a lot of energy into what could be the wrong stuff, and then letting despair suck it all away. I read how friend rio_luna did a reading for vocational options. It would be awesome if I were any good at doing readings for myself. Might try something with the ogham later tonight. I could sure do with some prosperity NOW.

Comments

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry it's been such an arduous year for you. best wishes on finding employment and easing up the shortfall.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It could still get so much worse...for that, I give thanks. But jeepers. I'd really like for it to start finally getting better again, you know?