not exactly high-functioning

[saffronhare]

I'm finishing my Kindergarten homework. And, truth be told, I'm having kind of a hard time with it. See, I'm not the kind of parent who enjoys things like going to read to the kids or chaperoning a field trip or organizing a party. These are all worthy and loving endeavors, but I know they mostly ain't my thang. Children in groups make me very nervous, for one thing.

So, when the note came home from Princess !Kaboom's teacher to please let her know what sort of volunteering we'd be comfortable with, I offered to do some prep work. You know, cutting things out...stuff like that. What came home was a bundle of papers with letters and words and pictures -- the first step in making some flash cards, I imagine. We were supposed to take one of these tiny, round sticker below each letter and word. Any sticker from the booklet. Just put it under all the letters and all the words. Kthx.

What? !?!? It was a baffling little task, a small piece of some larger task that I didn't understand. I did about half of it last night, wary of the possibility that I maybe didn't read the instructions properly and heaven forbid I wasted this teacher's resources and so on. Imagine. Me, waiting for a note from the teacher to tell me if I was doing my activity correcly.

::headdesk:: As it turns out, I was doing it fine after all. Finishing it up tonight.

Also, in further adventures in competency (NOT): I experienced a stunning failure to run this evening. After nearly talking myself out of it several times this afternoon, I got my running gear and stood in the bathroom at work, looking at what I'd packed. Two left shoes. Crap.

Comments

Hint.

[amaltheae.livejournal.com]

Here is a hint for children in large groups. Get a child or two to help you start something overwhelming to regain attention and control of them. For example, tell a kid or two to mimic what you do and them start singing a catchy song, or clapping your hands a few times, letting them do it, then doing a different rythm, etc. The room gets infected, each child not wanting to be the embarassing last child to notice they're not in the loop, and pretty soon you have a quiet room watching to see what weird ass thing you'll do next. Then it is a much easier thing to stand over any child who tries to break the spell, giving them the "I dare you to" look, which tends to work for the vast majority of crowd control. Any time the room starts buzzing with chatter again suddenly, you can always clap some more or start running around the room doing a funny follow the leader line dance or what have you.

They can be quite delightful in groups and make you laugh your ass off if you don't let yourself get spooked or start chasing one to the amusement of everyone rather than using everyone to make the one feel left out somehow. Often when one starts whispering or what have you, simple uncomfortable silence while you stare at the kid in question and slowly everyone else does the same will get back focus of the room for you.

The only real trick to it is thinking in scale and psychological dynamics of approval. You want 15 children to stay close and stop annoying you with one picking on another? Start singing "This is the song that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because..." (lather rinse repeat). Pretty soon they're all completely distracted and at most you can put yourself bodily between said pest and his target while playfully singing with fifteen children anxious to get in on the silliness.

Not that you have to volunteer or anything, but sometimes it helps to know the tricks of the trade. I have used them with rooms of 130 kids without a problem, especially if I am willing to change up the silliness for something new to feel "part of" on the part of the kids. I have seen it done with silly slight of hand tricks, songs, hanging upside down doing clown like things from the monkey bars, etc.

A lot of discipline is in a look a glance a laugh and diversion. We had a lot more success with being silly, turning a child around and play ordering them to march, "hup, two, three, four" back out there and pick up some trash before they were allowed back in than getting annoyed that they tried to sneak past or weren't listening to the direction, etc. There will always be a child or two in any group as large as 130 who needs some personal attention to make most of it happen, but that's alright as they weed themselves out at the end as the straggler and you can then stand over them, next to them, help them, whatever will help with understanding or staying on task or whatever the issue is.

Re: Hint.

[amaltheae.livejournal.com]

In smaller groups of 5-10 I have even seen things like putting a finger on your nose do it as each child wonders what instruction they missed that has the other kids holding a finger on their nose, and suddenly they're keyed in to see what they're out of the loop about and why they're doing this thing that has no obvious purpose.

Re: Hint.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

You *do* realize that I have three kids, right? And that my husband directed the children's program at church for years?

These are all worthwhile tricks, and I've used many of them without hardly getting any hives at all. :) It's just that, given the choice of volunteer tasks, interaction with groups of children would not be in my top five.

Re: Hint.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Reading that over, I think my comment sounds awfully prickly and brusque. That's not my intention at all. I'm just baffled about why you were offering me hints, that's all. Thanks for the thorough and caring response, A. :)

Re: Hint.

[amaltheae.livejournal.com]

No, I had forgotten the exact number of children beyond "at least two" that I remember, and I didn't know your hubby didn't children's church.

And while this isn't necessarily at all about you, it is spectacularly common that three kids is the number where many people just become bad, stressed out parents for lack of any clue how to change their tactics. That doesn't mean you would be one of them, but you would be perhaps a singular exception to any family of more than two children I have ever worked with personally. It really starts to catastrophically fall apart for a lot of people without them even realizing what is wrong until you get to families of ten kids where the kids are raising each other as much as the parents doing so, which creates a whole different set of problems.

As for why I was offering hints, I suppose that given a little getting used to it, I found groups of children no longer hive inducing (a reaction I did once also approximate), and instead something to really look forward to. Maybe I am nuts. :) Feel free to keep doing flash card stickers and look at me like I am crazy. :)

Re: Hint.

[zylch.livejournal.com]

Um... so how many kids are y'all planning on having? Remember, after three you're over-replacing :-) Speaking of, have you got a nearer estimate on when Number One is due? (and yes, I've lost your email as well, but I shall give it to you here so that we do not hijack Saff's journal further. viator753 at hailmail dot net)