how to explain the spots

[saffronhare]

I'd like to enlist some creative assistance here. I've already tried the "pretend that I don't really have spots, and imply the person suggesting that I do is nuts" game. That was fun, but really only fun once.

Other ideas so far include:
1. They're faerie hickies.
2. You should see the other guy.
3. The ninjas are very demanding.
4. Pretty extreme tattoo, huh?
5. I probably shouldn't be at work until this flare-up passes. ah-choo!