Ritual Raves
Jan. 23rd, 2006 12:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
saffronhareI think it's been six or seven years since I've been able to let go and get lost in ritual like I did yesterday. The music and dancing processed me in ways that will be difficult to articulate. All sorts of sensations managed to distract me from the grumpiness that had a good hold on me as I entered. Well staged, folks. Noteworthy: Aside from visual learning, kinesthetic is my strongest learning style (maybe stronger even than visual). This is the sort of work I really enjoy and seldom get to do.
I was (perhaps irrationally) bothered that grafitti and despair weren't spelled correctly -- that was before my left brain disengaged. Later, I didn't even pay much attention to what was written on any of the whiteboards, so it wouldn't have mattered.
At very few points was I even aware of other people being in the space, let alone what they were doing. Really, I don't think I could say who else was there. My memory of the afternoon is very slideshow-like. Glorious luck that I didn't run into or impale anybody. I was very glad to have Andrew there as my designated dance partner for certain portions -- much safer for everyone that way. :)
When I managed to wait and respond to the music, rather than the written cues, my experience and connection were much stronger than when I jumped right in. For instance, Frustration had me drumming on the walls. For me, Frustration = waiting for something beyond my control to happen (or at least it did yesterday). So, I drummed on the wall to keep myself occupied while I waited for the song to be over. Frustration typically devolves into boredom. Apathy had more movement than I'd thought it would: it turned into a little "kiss my ass" dance that I enjoyed very much. Call it Belligerent Apathy (like the Rhode Islanders do it). Rage didn't involve any thrashing or stomping. Instead, I worked through some weapons forms that pretty calmy had me decapitating, eviscerating or otherwise disabling something -- very satisfying. Despair led to surrender, which was followed by Wound. Wound led to warding and preparation for counterattack. Me and my issues, we're old friends. Perhaps predictably, Love was the one that reduced me to tears. I'm glad I stayed in the room after that, though, because it broke me through to a place where Lust and Abandon and Ecstasy happened much better.
I've always loved dancing, and feel so much better when I do it. Really, aside from a certain pride in being able to pick up nearly any step I watch, even at this age, I don't much care whether I'm good at it or not and I don't really care if anybody is watching. Dancing is one of very few areas in my life where taking chances and failing and loving it for the doing come naturally. After so many years, it was wondrous just to dance for me and move however I pleased -- choreography and audience be damned. I didn't have to think about or tend anybody else's experience; I didn't have to be there for anybody but myself. I'd forgotten how powerful and liberating it can be.
I was (perhaps irrationally) bothered that grafitti and despair weren't spelled correctly -- that was before my left brain disengaged. Later, I didn't even pay much attention to what was written on any of the whiteboards, so it wouldn't have mattered.
At very few points was I even aware of other people being in the space, let alone what they were doing. Really, I don't think I could say who else was there. My memory of the afternoon is very slideshow-like. Glorious luck that I didn't run into or impale anybody. I was very glad to have Andrew there as my designated dance partner for certain portions -- much safer for everyone that way. :)
When I managed to wait and respond to the music, rather than the written cues, my experience and connection were much stronger than when I jumped right in. For instance, Frustration had me drumming on the walls. For me, Frustration = waiting for something beyond my control to happen (or at least it did yesterday). So, I drummed on the wall to keep myself occupied while I waited for the song to be over. Frustration typically devolves into boredom. Apathy had more movement than I'd thought it would: it turned into a little "kiss my ass" dance that I enjoyed very much. Call it Belligerent Apathy (like the Rhode Islanders do it). Rage didn't involve any thrashing or stomping. Instead, I worked through some weapons forms that pretty calmy had me decapitating, eviscerating or otherwise disabling something -- very satisfying. Despair led to surrender, which was followed by Wound. Wound led to warding and preparation for counterattack. Me and my issues, we're old friends. Perhaps predictably, Love was the one that reduced me to tears. I'm glad I stayed in the room after that, though, because it broke me through to a place where Lust and Abandon and Ecstasy happened much better.
I've always loved dancing, and feel so much better when I do it. Really, aside from a certain pride in being able to pick up nearly any step I watch, even at this age, I don't much care whether I'm good at it or not and I don't really care if anybody is watching. Dancing is one of very few areas in my life where taking chances and failing and loving it for the doing come naturally. After so many years, it was wondrous just to dance for me and move however I pleased -- choreography and audience be damned. I didn't have to think about or tend anybody else's experience; I didn't have to be there for anybody but myself. I'd forgotten how powerful and liberating it can be.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-23 07:28 pm (UTC)I nearly approached you at one point in the dancing, but you were clearly not seeing anybody but yourself. Just as well, really (this was well after the decapitation exercises, of course).
Color me impressed, too.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-23 07:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-23 08:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-23 08:27 pm (UTC)I may explain Apathy during the critique... or not. Glad you had a good experience.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-24 03:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-24 03:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-24 03:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-24 03:50 pm (UTC)