saffronhare

meh

Tue, 06 Feb 2018 20:58:43 GMT

Everything is okay enough, I just don't feel like I have much of interest to share or even much to contribute to what everyone else posts. Sort of treading water in terms of self-actualization. Maybe it's just the doldrums. Anyway. I hope everyone is well and happy...I do enjoy reading along.

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in which NetFlix creates internal conflict

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 20:22:35 GMT

I got an email from the friendly folks at Netflix last night, alerting me to a new "original" series created Just for Netflix. For once, I had some time, so I clicked the Internet and watched the first couple of episodes of Lillyhammer. (Yes, I know it's misspelled. I think it's on purpose. Please let me believe it's on purpose.)

A very odd 90 minutes later, I'm don't know what I think about it.

PRO:
~ Actual Norwegian people (like, only about a half-dozen of the people in the cast or production credits have non-Norsk kind of names).
~ In actual Norway (lots of fantabulous Norwegian scenery), using what seems to be real-life locations or at least very realistic studio sets.
~ Speaking their native language (mixed with some English)and looking like normal people (not Hollywood-ified versions of themselvs).
~ Truly excellent use of Norsk humor.
~ Sheep. Plus, a disgruntled Elvis impersonator.

CON:
~ Terribly unoriginal premise of mobster going into witness protection program and starting out as a fish out of water in his new "hometown."
~ Steven Van Zandt isn't particularly easy on the eyes (so sue me).
~ New dude in town gets the girl into bed really unreasonably quickly (I'm not against sex on television, but this was just sort of gratuitously, er...gratuitous).
~ Character immediately begins dispensing "mob rules" wisdom, which endears him to all the right people and allows him to begin taking over the town. Except, suddenly, blackmail and bribery and money laundering are OKAY. Like the local yahoos have never heard of such things and were just waiting for somebody really smart to come along and show them all they've been missing. I really hope the series develops such that maybe Dude changes some of *his* ways instead of showing everyone that the mob way is how things oughta be done.

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ah, springtime

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 16:30:16 GMT

I am grateful not to have horrible trouble with allergies. Really, there are only a couple of weeks in the spring and a couple of weeks in the fall when I'm miserable.

Yesterday, I watched a tree bud out and bloom and start floofin pollen everywhere, just outside the office windows. Then I rode my bike home. By the time I got home, I *itched* everywhere. So I took a little bit of Benadryl. But I needed to stay awake for dinner and time with family. So I had a little bit of coffee. And then my heart rate went all wonky and I couldn't sleep. So I took a little more Bendadryl. Now I'm a zombie. Drinking coffee. Feeling itchy. With a skippety heart rate. Wanting a nap.

AWESOME. I did take some Claritin this morning, which will hopefully take the edge off. Because JEEZ. This could be a *long* couple of weeks.

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coming to terms, or not

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 16:01:10 GMT

I'm slowly coming to terms with the realization that my foot is going to need a Medical Opinion and perhaps some Intervention. This is the one we brutalized in Hapkideth class last week. For a few days, it seemed to be following a general curve of improvement, to the point were on Sunday I was very encouraged about it being all better quite soon, really.

Except that yesterday it was harder to walk again. I couldn't put on shoes -- had to wear slippers (snazzy ones with sturdy soles that one could maybe wear to the grocery store at 2 a.m., but still) -- and felt like a rock was stuck under the outside edge of the ball of my foot. Today, it's even MORE hurty and I almost cried at the notion of trying to get real shoes on again. That's not right.

I have an appointment with the doc on Monday for my Sinuses of Doom, but I don't know if I want to wait that long to get it checked out. This is very discouraging and I'm sure my judgment is impaired by persistent pain and a certain amount of dontwanna. WTF, feet.

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wouldn't ya know?

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 17:49:07 GMT

I finally fit back into my not-quite-leather skirt, bought some opaque tights, and can wear actual shoes. Except today it's nearly 70 degrees out! Seems weird to try rockin' a very winter outfit today, but I'm doing my best. :)

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rivers of gratitude

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 21:31:04 GMT

I'm not making a lot of sense right now, but it's all for good reasons. ( I'll put this behind a cut. )

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workout room aggravations

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 19:52:34 GMT

Let me say first that I'm really glad to have access to a workout room here at the office. The equipment is sufficient for my needs and it saves me a lot of time (and money) having that resource here. It also means I don't have to figure out how to fit it all in outside work hours, of which I have precious few to myself.

But I find it really aggravating that the two TVs in that room are tuned in to FOX News Live all the time. It's just...horrid. Even the commercials targeted for that time are horrid. I can't even. But THEN, sometimes, there's this GUY also working out. And he talks to the TV, in a very loud, "you tell 'em, FOX" manner. But today? ( Today, he talked to ME. )

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Wednesdays in the Church of Sweat

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:00:25 GMT

There are a lot of religions represented in the pretty excellent people I know, so it's no surprise that I've been hearing a lot about Lent (despite not having been a practicing Catholic for lo, these many years). It's actually a concept I respect and a practice that gets a lot of traction in my ritual brainspace.

At TKD the other night, one of the black belts was saying we wouldn't see as much of him over the next six weeks because he'd be spending more time at church. We all nodded our heads and then I thought, huh, I'll probably be spending *more* time at TKD in the coming weeks. Because, for me, it's a lot like church. (Wednesdays are particularly heavy on the "blood, bronze, and fire" quotient.)

There's an opening ritual (bowing to the flags and such), sacred space (the floor), a set order to how we proceed through practice, a give-and-take between solo and partner work, and a definite raising of energy. At least once during the class, we do *something* that has *somebody* saying, "oh, god." That counts, right? Ha.

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self-medicating

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 20:47:34 GMT

Just got an email about a co-worker who's been diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. They're going to treat it aggressively, so hopefully she'll be able to get ahead of it.

It's got me more freaked out than I really have a right to be. I mean, she's not my Special Buddy at work or anything. I'm shaking and near tears. Stupid, but there you go. Denying it isn't doing any good at all, so perhaps I'll let it wash over me and be done with it. No meetings tonight and no early appointments tomorrow, for once. I'll likely indulge in a bubble bath and some Moscato. Bleh.

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FUCK YEAH

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 16:30:28 GMT

Originally found by way of chernobylred, who frequently rocks my world. I barely managed not to cheer out loud when I read this part:

I am going to punch you in the face but I hope you realize it is just my way of thanking you for the great advice you gave my daughter.

Read. Repost. Cheer out loud.
http://viewsfromthecouch.com/2012/02/12/you-didnt-thank-me-for-punching-you-in-the-fac/

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Innuendo Thursday: Sports Edition*

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 16:22:20 GMT

Posting this here, because there's not enough room on FB and my baby brother reads me there. Eek.

Last night, I went at it twice in a row. I wasn't sure I had anything left, but the Master gives the orders there. All I could do was say, "yes, sir" and then devote my body to the task. The second time was harder than the first and I discovered some limits, but oh! the glory of the effort was well worth the struggle.

Drenched with sweat, I dragged myself home for some recovery and self-care before collapsing into a deep sleep. Feeling a delicious ache in every muscle today. I'm glad I have a week to recover before another session like that, but I can't wait to go back for more.

*Today's entry brought to you by last night's back-to-back Taekwondo and Hapkido classes.

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wassup, knees?

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:44:32 GMT

Dear knees,

Why on earth are you giving me trouble? You used to be the set of joints I could count on. Shoulder? Cranky. Hips? Difficult. But knees? SRSLY, guys. Maybe I haven't given you enough credit for being low-maintenance. That's a GOOD thing. Please don't stop now.

Kthx,
Me

Honesly, I don't know what's up with my knees the last 16 hours or so. Starting yesterday evening, it's like they were swaddled with a case of "let's feel all swollen and not really want to move." No pain, thankfully. No super-obvious swelling, though it's difficult to tell because my knees are kind of stubby anyway. Very strange. I do not recall any moment/movement with strain, and I'm pretty careful with body alignment (see note above, re: hips), so it seems unlikely I would have made a huge mistake with body mechanics and not felt it when it happened.

Matthew suggested it could be a delayed reaction to the sodium from my Chinese food binge on Saturday. My fingers, elbows, and ankles all feel sort of stiff and swollen today as well, so that could be it, though sodium hasn't really been a trigger for me before. But that'd be nifty, because it would mean this insanity will PASS.

The combination of stiffness with instability is disconcerting. Going *up* stairs is still okay; going *down* stairs feels terrible. Meh. Going to drink a lot of water to flush whatever-it-is out and see what happens.

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Why

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:22:41 GMT

One of the things I find it important to keep track of, in this ongoing work toward being stronger and more healthy, is WHY. Certainly, vanity is a factor, but it's a vascillating thing and not so great for sustained effort. (Body image and self-talk are fickle!) ( Mostly just posting here to remind myself. )

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in which Brulin was in the house

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 21:47:57 GMT

So. TKD testing this past Saturday. It went well enough that I feel I can say I passed. We haven't gotten our scores yet, which means the girls are DYING, but really...a 70 or above is passing, and (so far) none of us have scored below 87.

There was one moment in particular I wanted to remember: my board-breaking. For each belt level, there's a particular board-breaking one undertakes as the crowning glory of testing day. Successfully breaking the board on your first try is an easy 15 points. Every attempt after that is one point less. (Yes, they'll let you try 15 times.)

As one goes up in belt levels, the requirements get tougher -- a punch and a kick, for example -- but mine on Saturday wasn't very difficult. I had to do a roundhouse kick and break one board. What had me worried was my right foot. I just wasn't willing to slam that foot, newly healed and increasingly functional as it is, into a pine board.

I decided to kick with my left foot, which is approximately 8% less precise, but *much* less worrisome. I thought, hey, self, you'd better kick the crap outta that board. No way did I want to have to kick it TWICE. (Board breaking isn't difficult or terribly painful, but one does feel the impact. And manoman is it embarrassing to hear that *thwack* sound of one's foot bouncing off the board echo across the room.)

I tell you, that board didn't stand a chance. I was on the far side of the studio when I kicked, and it split into THREE pieces, one of which rocketed across all the other lines of people kicking and holding boards, nearly hitting a few folks and making it within inches of the Brand New Windows. So my yell of awesomeness as I kicked was followed almost immediately by the sound we all make when we're trying to stop an object already in motion with the power of our minds.

It was a little bit embarrassing. In that lovely little moment of silence as the instructor handed me the slab that had almost hit him in the head, I addressed the pine board, "You'd better STAY broken."

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Silencing those negative voices

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 15:29:45 GMT

I'm kind of freaked out about taking a Rest Day today. I know that rest days are a valid (and important) part of any fitness routine, but I've started really feeling results from all this work ts and the notion of *not* sweating on a given day fills me with fear that I'll lose everything I've worked hard for. Silly, right? But I'm exhausted. The intensity of pre-testing work at TKD, while faboo for my fitocracy score, just isn't sustainable over the long term. (Usually, I aim to hit two class sessions per week. Over the past ten days, I've hit...dunno, maybe 93 class sessions. Something like that.)

I'd planned to push through an interval workout during lunchtime today and even brought all my gear for that, but then I got a reminder about a 20th anniversary lunch for a colleague I like a lot. It's even a free lunch! So I'm going to take the hint from the universe, practice making smart choices while eating out, and ease up on myself for today. Some stretching/yoga later will be good for me, and then I'll be set up to feel stronger for tomorrow's belt testing. Yes. I have decided.

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Hapkidodo

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 20:07:47 GMT

Approximately 48 hours after the Hapkido workshop, I'm still sore, still happy, and still wanting to do more. There's very little chance that I'll be able to make the weekly trip up the OP studio for 6:30 p.m. practices on Mondays, but it seems there was sufficient interest in Gardner that they might start a weekly session down there, too. Which would be COOL.

I continue to enjoy the athletic and personal development aspects of TKD; it was just really nifty to add a certain amount of contact to the experience. This stuff had a lot more in common with what I first learned 20+ years (and 40+ pounds) ago.* Very odd, though, to be partnered with somebody my size. I mean, really, how often will I be attacked by somebody about my own height? Still, lots of good stuff to learn...and WOW do I ever have a long way to go!

In standard TKD news, I'm testing for my next belt on Saturday, after the Little Ninjas test for their next belts. (It'll be a belt-a-palooza!) Wish us luck!

*There are some important differences to keep straight in my head. Frexampul, when doing a shoulder throw, one should reach back and grab onto an opponent's shirt or uniform. NOT their EAR. That's very effective in certain situations, but generally considered to be RUDE. Do it once, and the instructors will have to sit down because they're laughing so hard. Do it twice< and they'll drop you for twenty push-ups. Not that I did it twice, mind. Just saying.

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travel light, move fast

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 19:38:34 GMT

Some wisdom for the week (posted a day or so late) from <lj-cut text="Rob's Free Will Astrology:> Rob's Free Will Astrology: <b>Cancer</b>: If you were a medieval knight going into battle with a full suit of armor, the advantage you had from the metal's protection was offset by the extra energy it took to haul around so much extra weight. In fact, historians say this is one reason that a modest force of English soldiers defeated a much larger French army at the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. The Frenchmen's armor was much bulkier, and by the time they slogged through muddy fields to reach their enemy, they were too tired to fight at peak intensity. The moral of the story, as far as you're concerned: To win a great victory in the coming weeks, shed as many of your defense mechanisms and as much of your emotional baggage as possible. ******* I think I wear a lot less armor these days than I used to, but I'm definitely carrying around much more mental encumbrance. Worries about this or that, and a lot of commitments that leave me with very few resources for anything other than recurring/daily tasks and hard-coded commitments. It just doesn't give me much room to change my strategy on the fly. Tangentially and metaphorically related: I'm very excited to be participating in an "intro to Hapkido" workshop tomorrow. Lots of contact sparring, locks, throws, and the like. Being so much smaller than most of my potential opponents, my major advantage is to be just a bit faster (and just a bit meaner) than they expect me to be. I figure I'm going to get bruised a bit, but at least I won't be surprised by the contact. Still quite pleased not to be a Delicate Flower. I've been regaining some of that physical quickness lately, but I don't have it mentally like I used to. Need to figure out what kind of weight I can clear outta my head to improve processing speed, etc.

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metrics and such

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 20:07:51 GMT

There are a number of efforts in which I'm achieving measurable progress so far. For instance, I get to test for my next belt level (purple) in TKD next Saturday, provided I can swing the testing fee. Both of the younger ninjas are being authorized to test, too, so the math may require me to wait. ::shrug:: There are worse things, and it's really cool to know I'm gaining in skills, etc.

This morning, I also discovered that I've lost about four inches around the waist since the beginning of January. HUH. I felt like my clothes were getting a bit looser and my energy has been better, but then the scale hadn't budged. Frustrating. So I measured and voila! Central obesity is a major factor in a lot of the diseases I'm trying to be less at risk for with this whole effort, so YAY on that. A good target, I'm told, is a waist measurement that's no more than half of one's height in inches. Gettin' there. :)

One area in which there's been some back-sliding, however, is the morning routine. I almost typed "the f%cking morning routine." It's been taking me TWO HOURS to get out the door in the mornings, which is unacceptable. It's not like I sit down at any point and pick my nose or luxuriate in a bubble bath. And I haven't really *added* things to the routine, either. No. This is just the basic morning stuff taking WAY longer than it used to take. I realize the new puppy adds a wrinkle or two to the timeline, but that can't be all of it. I need to examine what's happening a bit more carefully, because I don't really want to get up more than another 30 minutes earlier, but getting to the office as late as I have been cannot continue. Hrm.

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no way

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 15:24:30 GMT

I used to be very strongly INTJ, but ISTJ seems pretty darn accurate too. It can be exceedingly difficult for me to discern the difference between sensing and intuit-ing, if my "internal/subconscious processing speed" is very fast in a particular situation.

ISTJ - "Trustee". Decisiveness in practical affairs. Guardian of time- honored institutions. Dependable. 11.6% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

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Adventures!

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 18:51:27 GMT

Had a weekend of Unusual Adventures, which is...er, unusual (for me). Saturday, I accompanied Diermuid on a trip to deliver and assemble nifty fitness equipment at the home of the purchaser of the equipment. Nice Purchaser was wearing Oscar the Grouch pajama pants and had three very sweet cats. I sneezed a lot, but otherwise had a wonderful time lifting/carrying heavy things and generally being competent. BONUS: about four hours alone with hubby, with nobody else calling or needing things from either of us.

( Sunday was PB's fashion show Spectacular Spectacular. )

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burbling

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 15:57:56 GMT

So. Wednesday evening, we fell in love with and brought home a Bad Idea. Her name is Bree. She's an English Mastiff puppy. (Yes, we know how big she'll get.) The userpic here is not her, but she's got similar coloring. She's seven weeks old and weighs just over ten pounds at the moment; this image says the dog is about 18 weeks old. WOW.

We've been wanting a second doggie for quite some time now, so I suppose it wasn't 100% impulsive. But when we go impulsive, we go BIG. Tuesday afternoon, FionaPie came home all atwitter over a litter of puppies her classmate's dad had brought to school that day. I called the school and they were kind enough to pass my phone number along. The classmate's mother called up that evening. Three puppies remained, all female. SCORE.

See, we knew from doggie day camp and other experience that Jack would get along better with a female (the bigger the better). Diermuid has also been hankering for a "dog-sized" dog. We needed the second dog to be exceedingly mellow to balance Jack's personality; and the dog needed not to need a ton of exercise/grooming because we know we just won't do that. Second Dog also had to enjoy the whole family instead of fixating on one person. ( So something like an English Mastiff was already on the short list. )

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Neato!

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 15:45:40 GMT

I started in on Fitocracy last night, thanks to the invite code provided by Triadruid. Just logging what I'd already done that day, I was already Level 3. Nifty! I figure I'll work my plan and log things as they go, and see what happens. Kinda curious about the quests. This effort can be so very solitary, and -- while I'm a pathological introvert -- perhaps Fitocracy can help provide that teensy bit of play and social interaction I'm really missing right now.

Yes, the introvert is lonely. Go figure. :) People are all, hey, you should do this or go there and we should get together, etc. That's all super, and I feel invited and welcomed (which is not to be underestimated) but I can't make any of that happen. Until there are fewer kids to feed and clean up after, with activities to manage and fund, it's gotta be online or maybe one cuppa coffee every six weeks or so. Hell, I don't even sit down until about 9:30 p.m. most nights, except possibly to eat dinner. ::shrug:: But I am not unique in this, so I should shut up about it.

Anyway. Fitocracy looks interesting and probably has more potential to add to my enjoyment of life than Pinterest, though Pinterest sure has its uses. (Hello, birthday wish lists and projecs to take on SOMEDAY!) Fitocracy isn't so much telling me about a plan to follow...it's just a fun place to get that attagirl. I'd like to find out more about little challenges, too. Thanks, D, for mentioning it!

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molecular agitation

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 15:46:39 GMT

I remember reading something, somewhere, about molecular agitation being a precursor to EVOLUTION of some sort -- cell division, growth, whatever.

EGAD are we ever feeling that at home with Princess Boredom these days. She is so very ready to be out on her own, and YET she's nervous about it. Makes for very...well, agitated interactions at home. It's like when a seven-year-old is struggling to ride a two-wheeler for the first time. She's nervous and wants you there to hold the seat and run alongside her, but she doesn't really want you to help her. Except when she does. ACK.

These vascillations between glorious revolution and crippling dependence are giving me emotional whiplash. Maybe it's part of the process? You know, nature making iteasier to let go of her because I desperately need a fucking break? (I say this with love.)

She's been accepted to the University of Kansas, the University of Southern Florida, and Providence College. She's had a campus visit to USF and the offer of some scholarship funds. She's declined a campus visit to KU since it's so familiar, but they've offered her a little bit of money as well. Providence College accepted her on "early action" and are evaluating some financial support as well. She's heading out for a visit there the second weekend in Feburary, where she'll get to attend a Big East basketball game (PC vs. USF, of all things) and receive some hospitality from my aunt.

No word yet from the University of Rhode Island. Now it's all about money, really. I want her to go AWAY to college, not because I want to get rid of her. Truly, it's about wanting her to break orbit. So we'll see. In the meantime, she's chomping at the bit, WANTING things and making us more than a little crazy.

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you know you're tired when...

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 15:08:29 GMT

You go to bed before all the kids have been tucked in. Like, even the third-grader. But WOW did I ever need it! Yesterday was the kind of mellow evening that made it possible, too. Crockpot chili was ready to go on the table (with bonus homemade cornbread) when everybody got home, ludicrously hot and deep bath loosened up my muscles and lungs,and before-bedtime routines went smoothly with the kind assistance of hubby putting away leftovers. (Sometimes, that little bit of help and company makes a huge difference when I really dontwanna.)

I was ready to lock up and turn off lights when I realized it was only 8:30 p.m. -- two whole hours ahead of schedule! No dance or TKD class. No meetings. No holiday preparations to get a jump on. THANK YOU LORD. I turned off my bedside light about 30 minutes later and let Mac (who was up in bed at an unprecedented hour as well) pet me to sleep while he read a book. I have no memory of him turning off his light. It was a better night of sleep than the last couple of nights have been, too. Not super yet, but BETTER.

It's amazing how that kind of evening resets my whole universe. I suppose it says something, too, that I have just used more wordcount to talk about SLEEP here than I've used in perhaps the last few weeks to talk about anything else. Ha!

Everyone is back at school for a full day today, with the regular grind of meetings and classes starting back up by Monday. I can really feel the leveling-up of kids in the household lately. PB is in her final semester of high school and really effing ready to be outta here. The next two teens down the line got their learner's (driving) permits over the holiday. Shifty McGee's voice is changing and he's stretching out of his long pants again. FionaPie is growing teeny-tiny boobies (which she'd be mortified to know I'm talking about). And KiraDeara can do it all by herself, thankyouverymuch.

It feels like there's change in the air for 2012. People are getting real and making shifts toward what feels authentic and sustainable for their long-term visions. It's inspiring to hear what's on everyone's minds. Feeling like my own foundation is solid enough these days to really chew on the best stuff. Yay!

FYI: I'm (invisibly) cross-posting from DW these days, mostly because I can't access ElJay at the office. I check/read both and still enjoy the merits of the older platform, but haven't really bothered with the whole link-fu thing. Waves in the ocean, man.

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Thematic bunny is thematic

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 19:27:32 GMT

I didn't really make any New Year's resolutions this time 'round. Using the "101 in 1001" approach is pretty agreeable, especially since I'm keeping better track on those goals.

I liked the more thematic approach one friend mentioned a couple of years ago. For example, one of her goals was to "sparkle MORE." I also like the declaration of another friend that this year would be the "end of shabby." So. For 2012, I will set my overarching theme of doing MORE of one thing and doing LESS of another.

transition MORE graciously (consistently a challenge!)
make LESS shabby choices (quantitatively and qualitatively)

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